For the last week or so, I've been thinking about something in my life. I'm fifteen now, and I realized something that I've never thought about. I have options. I have genuine, real options of what I want to do with my life. Not that I haven't before, but nothing to this degree.
I could move to Canada and be syrup. I mean, I don't know much about Canada, but I know they've got syrup.
But, seriously, it's weird to think about. Three years, and I can basically go do whatever I want with my life. I probably won't leave as soon as I turn eighteen, since I'd like to be able to live without starving to death, but I could technically do it.
I don't really know what I want to do with my life at this point, and I really would like to. I'm one of those people who likes to have at least a basic idea of what I want to do with myself. I know I like art of basically every variety, I love music, and of course aviation and physics. Those are all things that I would like to be able to do something with for the rest of my life, but for the most part, they aren't reliable ways to get a job.
Aviation is possible, yes, but I'd like a job where I'm not moving around constantly, and can be home a reasonable amount of time. Art is also possible, especially with video game development becoming so based on 3d work and concept art, but it is another one of those things where the primary hubs for game development are places I don't particularly want to go, and even if I did, companies close all the time, so I doubt I'd live in one place for very long.
Music is pretty much not going to happen without absurd amounts of luck, so I'm ruling that out unless it's just a small side job, and physics is something I could do, but I don't think I'd want to. (NASA apparently likes having astrophysicists around. Imagine that.)
I am actually to the point with gaming where I could, with a little practice, play on a low to mid end professional Team Fortress 2 team full time relatively easily if the game had a better E-sports following. I could do that with Counter Strike if I wanted to dedicate the time and money, but it's borderline impossible to get a new team into CS without already knowing the players who are there currently.
I don't think gaming is a really solid career path quite yet, however. E-sports is just now getting popular enough for the top teams to do full time, so that would be no more than a pipe dream at most. In 10-20 years, it may be more mainstream, but I'll be too old to play games professionally by time I'm 30. Taz, who plays for Virtus Pro, is 29 and people have been saying he should retire for a few years.
I could end up getting married at some point and just working a construction job or something like that for all I know. I don't think I'd want to get a job building houses, and getting married any time remotely soon (Yes, I view 5-10 years as soon) is a thought that terrifies me for various reasons, but I haven't been to the future, I have no idea what will happen.
The only thing I know is I have things I can do, and that is a very, very weird thing to know.
All my life, I've really only been worried about getting done with school and getting myself under control. I'm not done with school, and I still have my own issues, but it's to the point where I have a lot more to think about than just "I'm gonna do school and then go play Guild Wars!" like I always used to do.
At the end of the day, I am where I am because of a million different options I selected, whether I like them or not, so I guess I am to some extent where I want to be. It is in a very roundabout sort of way, because I'm really not, but it is where I brought myself to, after all.
Fifteen years, in the grand scheme of things, is nothing, but so much has changed in the last century or so, I'm interested to see what will happen in the next fifty to sixty years, and who it will affect.
Friday, June 26, 2015
Thursday, May 28, 2015
Your design is bad, and you should feel bad.
So, first off, I'd love to do this blog somewhere else, but sadly, Facebook, Youtube, and Twitch all block literally every single decent free host I've looked at, so I'm stuck here until either A. I can afford to pay for a web server or B. Get tired of it and stop posting crap here.
DISCLAIMER: Because these are fun to write, not because they're actually needed. Any implication of me actually having artistic skills, such as the mentions of me learning graphic design quickly, were worded in such a manner so as to get the point across. Any feelings that I look like a pretentious jerk when I write that kind of thing is unintended, but not entirely innacurate. Thank you for your time.
Anyway, the topic at hand as of today is another art-ish post. Not so much about doing it, but just my thoughts on art as a whole, as someone who is really only good at one particular area. Image editing.
I, for one, Do a lot of graphic design, as that video shows. It's really the reason I started drawing and doing 3d models occasionally. It is, however, also the main reason why I don't draw very often and don't enjoy it as much. Simple answer being: I'm just a lot better at graphic design than I am drawing, or even 3d modeling.
The fact that I find it really pretty easy to make a fairly well designed piece of artwork in an hour or two means that when I sit down to draw or 3d model and after 4 or 5 hours it still looks abysmal, I just don't want to keep going. It's partially a matter of me thinking "If I'm already better at graphic design, why should I bother with this?", Which is a pretty stupid question, and also "I'll never learn this" just because I picked up on design so quickly.
On the other hand, I can sit and think about some people I know who are fantastic when it comes to drawing, and seemed to pick that up in no time, but if you ask them to do any graphic design you're going to need a bucket. And not to carry water in.
To some extent, I think that is the one thing that I completely understand, but only annoys me more because I understand it. Seriously, I'd love to be able to pick up a pencil and paper and draw something awesome, but I just don't have that natural born talent to learn how to draw quickly like I do to learn to 3d model or make graphics.
Of course, the reason I have a hard time learning to draw is probably mostly because the extent of my use of the muscles you use for drawing is... moving a mouse. Seriously. If you're playing a game like you're supposed to draw, you tend to use your shoulder and elbow much more than your wrist, which is how you tend to do things when you draw.
For one because it's healthier, and two because it is actually easier to make the movements you want if you use your whole arm, since the wrist can only move in an arcing motion, and not a straight line.
The worst part is, I know if I sat down and set aside an hour or two a day, I could probably learn to draw in no time, because I just learn quickly. The issue is that I can't make myself do it. I come up with every excuse not to do it, and sometimes I just flat out forget that I was going to do it because I get sidetracked doing something else and don't think about it.
I need something to follow me around and shout at me if I don't draw when I set aside time to do so. Something like a shark. A shark that can walk and breathe air. Yes. This is what I need in my life.
Of course, it doesn't help that I really listen to music way too much. I could listen to music all day every day and be perfectly happy and also have massive hearing loss. I'm not addicted to Demon Hunter, I promise.
But aside from that only being 1/6th of the music I have on my PC to listen to, I really don't do much aside from art and gaming, and gaming I don't do very often. Probably 5% of the time I'm at my computer is spent gaming. The other 95% is divided so: 80% music, 5% writing, 5% art, 4.5% video editing, 0.5% useful things.
Those are barely exaggerations.
So, since I'm actually going to stop being a lazy freak and go outside today, I'm going to close this up with a simple message.
DISCLAIMER: Because these are fun to write, not because they're actually needed. Any implication of me actually having artistic skills, such as the mentions of me learning graphic design quickly, were worded in such a manner so as to get the point across. Any feelings that I look like a pretentious jerk when I write that kind of thing is unintended, but not entirely innacurate. Thank you for your time.
Anyway, the topic at hand as of today is another art-ish post. Not so much about doing it, but just my thoughts on art as a whole, as someone who is really only good at one particular area. Image editing.
I, for one, Do a lot of graphic design, as that video shows. It's really the reason I started drawing and doing 3d models occasionally. It is, however, also the main reason why I don't draw very often and don't enjoy it as much. Simple answer being: I'm just a lot better at graphic design than I am drawing, or even 3d modeling.
The fact that I find it really pretty easy to make a fairly well designed piece of artwork in an hour or two means that when I sit down to draw or 3d model and after 4 or 5 hours it still looks abysmal, I just don't want to keep going. It's partially a matter of me thinking "If I'm already better at graphic design, why should I bother with this?", Which is a pretty stupid question, and also "I'll never learn this" just because I picked up on design so quickly.
On the other hand, I can sit and think about some people I know who are fantastic when it comes to drawing, and seemed to pick that up in no time, but if you ask them to do any graphic design you're going to need a bucket. And not to carry water in.
To some extent, I think that is the one thing that I completely understand, but only annoys me more because I understand it. Seriously, I'd love to be able to pick up a pencil and paper and draw something awesome, but I just don't have that natural born talent to learn how to draw quickly like I do to learn to 3d model or make graphics.
Of course, the reason I have a hard time learning to draw is probably mostly because the extent of my use of the muscles you use for drawing is... moving a mouse. Seriously. If you're playing a game like you're supposed to draw, you tend to use your shoulder and elbow much more than your wrist, which is how you tend to do things when you draw.
For one because it's healthier, and two because it is actually easier to make the movements you want if you use your whole arm, since the wrist can only move in an arcing motion, and not a straight line.
The worst part is, I know if I sat down and set aside an hour or two a day, I could probably learn to draw in no time, because I just learn quickly. The issue is that I can't make myself do it. I come up with every excuse not to do it, and sometimes I just flat out forget that I was going to do it because I get sidetracked doing something else and don't think about it.
I need something to follow me around and shout at me if I don't draw when I set aside time to do so. Something like a shark. A shark that can walk and breathe air. Yes. This is what I need in my life.
Of course, it doesn't help that I really listen to music way too much. I could listen to music all day every day and be perfectly happy and also have massive hearing loss. I'm not addicted to Demon Hunter, I promise.
 |
| And this isn't counting the album I just bought from their lead singer's new side project. |
Those are barely exaggerations.
So, since I'm actually going to stop being a lazy freak and go outside today, I'm going to close this up with a simple message.
I DO NOT HAVE A PROBLEM.
On a side note, it's pretty great having some small bit of a sense of humor again. I'm actually somewhat happy for the first time in over a year, and it's awesome.
To once again do the cliche music quote thing, the best verse in all of music, because it's a good reminder that I need sometimes, and I feel like a lot of people can appreciate it, even if they don't like Ye Olde Metalle Musick.
Tearing through these days I find the tolerance to strive and push on
I know what lies beyond this life for me is already won
No one can take away the blood that covers over my fall
Without the blood of perfect life I know I'm nothing at all
So now I reign forever hallowed in eternity's hand
No man can shake me from the everlasting ground that I stand.
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